Hello everyone,
It's been about a month since I wrote, so it's time to get up to date.
Deb has been seeing doctors as scheduled, including her surgeon this week. She was examined and everything seemed in order. Deb asked what she should be looking for as a tip things we're not right. Dr. C told her to look for physical changes or not feeling well. Hmm, that could cover a lot of ground.
So, the choice is being a hypochondriac or waiting too long and playing medical Russian Roulette (with apologies to Masha).
So OK, the theory of holding each day in your hand as you would cradle a baby bird, seems an appropriate simile. After being through the last fourteen months, both of us are clear on the concept that our life can change with a phone call or an exam. The trick is to savor each day, each person, each experience and even sunsets take on new meanings.
I guess in theory, each day is a gift, with no guarantees.
Deb and I planted a passel of flowers and stuff. It sure looks pretty in the back yard. Deb's energy level isn't the best, but she does a lot anyway.
Deb now is creeping toward fifty and I am sixty three. Holy Toledo!!!
There are still a lot of folks out there that could use a prayer or two, like us!
Hug each other and cherish the time you have.
Dan
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
In Our Memories
Hi all,
Every year I seem to be surprised by cold weather in May and June. Every year without fail we get some cold snaps that can take your breath away. We go from eighty degrees (yesterday) to forty two this morning.
It was a much better Memorial weekend this year. Deb and I shopped for flowers and we planted all of them Saturday and Monday. It is always a lot of work to get everything out, cleaned and ready for the summer season. Lawn chairs, the grill, tables and so on, need cleaning. The windows on the house and the screens all need washing too. Strider takes up her post lying on the grass, surveying Deb and I. For some reason she has to come inside to sleep.
We didn’t try to do everything over the weekend. We took a break for Church and lunch with our friend Linda on Sunday, and Saturday we had breakfast before we shopped for flowers. We will continue to plug along, doing something each weekend we can until we finish everything, probably the weekend before we have to start putting it all away in the fall.
We would like to thank everyone who still reads our blog and continues to pray for us. Deb continues to improve, with quarterly trips to the doctors. She will be in the American Cancer Society Relay for Life June 7th and 8th.
We have some great photos from Masha recently. She is doing very well at college It would be so nice to visit her in Moscow. Barb Leschke’s brother was in a motorcycle accident in California and needs our prayers.
We remember during this time all those who served and those who paid the ultimate sacrifice for our country and to preserve our way of life. Also those in other countries who fought and died to protect democracy against tyranny, we honor on Memorial Day . My great great Uncle Peter Erkes who served in in France duing WWI was a striking man in his uniform. I’m aware of Harrells and O’Hearns that fought and died in the civil war too. So many valiant men who ignored the risk of injury and death because they were asked to serve their country. Amazing!
God Bless all.
Every year I seem to be surprised by cold weather in May and June. Every year without fail we get some cold snaps that can take your breath away. We go from eighty degrees (yesterday) to forty two this morning.
It was a much better Memorial weekend this year. Deb and I shopped for flowers and we planted all of them Saturday and Monday. It is always a lot of work to get everything out, cleaned and ready for the summer season. Lawn chairs, the grill, tables and so on, need cleaning. The windows on the house and the screens all need washing too. Strider takes up her post lying on the grass, surveying Deb and I. For some reason she has to come inside to sleep.
We didn’t try to do everything over the weekend. We took a break for Church and lunch with our friend Linda on Sunday, and Saturday we had breakfast before we shopped for flowers. We will continue to plug along, doing something each weekend we can until we finish everything, probably the weekend before we have to start putting it all away in the fall.
We would like to thank everyone who still reads our blog and continues to pray for us. Deb continues to improve, with quarterly trips to the doctors. She will be in the American Cancer Society Relay for Life June 7th and 8th.
We have some great photos from Masha recently. She is doing very well at college It would be so nice to visit her in Moscow. Barb Leschke’s brother was in a motorcycle accident in California and needs our prayers.
We remember during this time all those who served and those who paid the ultimate sacrifice for our country and to preserve our way of life. Also those in other countries who fought and died to protect democracy against tyranny, we honor on Memorial Day . My great great Uncle Peter Erkes who served in in France duing WWI was a striking man in his uniform. I’m aware of Harrells and O’Hearns that fought and died in the civil war too. So many valiant men who ignored the risk of injury and death because they were asked to serve their country. Amazing!
God Bless all.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Another Mother's Day
Hi everyone,
Mother's day has taken on a new meaning for me this year.
Mom is not so good now. She's been confined to her bed for eighteen months or so, and we play a waiting game. She bounces up and down with her health, but somehow always continues on, toward the time God will call her home. She has been ready for some time to go, she wants to see her husband and parents and enjoy basking in God's mighty glory.
Mom was a terrific cook and had some classic dishes that the entire family raved about. Her goulash, her fried chicken, beef stew, chocolate pie and the coconut cream pie were the best. She delighted in cooking for her father, and he loved to have her custard pie. Meatloaf, wow, what a treat, and her homemade bread and rolls were so good that I can taste them now.
Mom was also, well, Mom, with all the qualities we all expected in a stay at home mom. She was always there and kept a tight schedule and a tight ship. She cooked to satisfy my dad, who worked hard everyday and came home hungry. She had a routine for her week for when she would clean and do the laundry.
I decided years ago that my mom somehow contributed to all the speed bumps in my life. Why wasn't she more this or that to me, so I would have been more successful, or had better opportunities, or been thinner or had more hair. But, like a light bulb going off over your head, it finally dawned on me that my mom was responsible for most of my success after all. She instilled in me desires for hard work and organization that have been the key to any job I've had, and more importantly, she taught me that it was good to be affectionate and to tell others I love them.
Mom never asked for thanks or any acknowledgement of her role in my development, and perhaps she wouldn't understand my feelings now, with the medication and all, but I'm leaving today to drive to Michigan to tell her happy Mother's Day and how much I love her. And thanks, I need to say that too.
Mother's can be complex and we forget that they are people too, with all the quirks and surprises we all have but with a big supply of love and forgiveness too. Take time this weekend to remember your mom, whether she is here or not, and ask God to bless her and keep her safe.
Deb would have been a terrific mom. You could see it with Sebastian and Masha. We continue on, with hope and faith, to the next exam and the one after that, and so on.
We pray for Marge, Kathy Addler, Sam and so many others that are ill or struggling. Please join in our prayers.
Please enjoy life and hug your mom.
Dan
Mother's day has taken on a new meaning for me this year.
Mom is not so good now. She's been confined to her bed for eighteen months or so, and we play a waiting game. She bounces up and down with her health, but somehow always continues on, toward the time God will call her home. She has been ready for some time to go, she wants to see her husband and parents and enjoy basking in God's mighty glory.
Mom was a terrific cook and had some classic dishes that the entire family raved about. Her goulash, her fried chicken, beef stew, chocolate pie and the coconut cream pie were the best. She delighted in cooking for her father, and he loved to have her custard pie. Meatloaf, wow, what a treat, and her homemade bread and rolls were so good that I can taste them now.
Mom was also, well, Mom, with all the qualities we all expected in a stay at home mom. She was always there and kept a tight schedule and a tight ship. She cooked to satisfy my dad, who worked hard everyday and came home hungry. She had a routine for her week for when she would clean and do the laundry.
I decided years ago that my mom somehow contributed to all the speed bumps in my life. Why wasn't she more this or that to me, so I would have been more successful, or had better opportunities, or been thinner or had more hair. But, like a light bulb going off over your head, it finally dawned on me that my mom was responsible for most of my success after all. She instilled in me desires for hard work and organization that have been the key to any job I've had, and more importantly, she taught me that it was good to be affectionate and to tell others I love them.
Mom never asked for thanks or any acknowledgement of her role in my development, and perhaps she wouldn't understand my feelings now, with the medication and all, but I'm leaving today to drive to Michigan to tell her happy Mother's Day and how much I love her. And thanks, I need to say that too.
Mother's can be complex and we forget that they are people too, with all the quirks and surprises we all have but with a big supply of love and forgiveness too. Take time this weekend to remember your mom, whether she is here or not, and ask God to bless her and keep her safe.
Deb would have been a terrific mom. You could see it with Sebastian and Masha. We continue on, with hope and faith, to the next exam and the one after that, and so on.
We pray for Marge, Kathy Addler, Sam and so many others that are ill or struggling. Please join in our prayers.
Please enjoy life and hug your mom.
Dan
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Waiting for Flowers
Hi Everyone,
We are in that time between, like limbo, but of course that term is antiquated now, but you know what I mean, we have turned the page on active treatment and now Deb visits doctors every three months, or when, God forbid, something isn’t right. We’re not treating but we don’t feel cured yet either.
The hair is back, and so is Deb’s sense of humor. She laughs easily now, and at the silliest stuff, but I love it and try my best to make it happen.
She misses our old church and how close we all were there. We go to The Chapel now, but it’s not the same. The message is terrific and there are lots of things happening, but it’s another limbo thing, not quite integrated yet and feeling like a stranger. We know it will change and we have to have faith.
Chemo brain is the term used for the forgetfulness brought on by chemotherapy. It frustrates Deb sometimes but she is much better lately. In my case it’s just old age.
Our routine is back to where it was before all this started. I arrive home first and take Strider out. Deb comes about 20 minutes later and depending on Strider’s whim, may have to take her back out again. Then dinner and a few chores and early to bed. The weather is so nice.
We have a few invitations for charitable events. Deb plans to do the Relay for Life in June. This is the season for organized events. Heidi Kattner is going to walk for the March of Dimes. That group is working on advancing the understanding and treatment of premature births and health issues.
In 1950, before the vaccine, I had polio and the March of Dimes helped with my medical expense. Infantile paralysis, as it was known before that, appeared in the public conscience when President Franklin Roosevelt was crippled by it in the 1930’s. He found that the mineral waters
In this world where seven out of ten people, including children, go to bed hungry every day, we are blessed with amazing abundance in
Take a moment to pray for Marge, the Kattner twins and those who will start cancer treatments for newly discovered cancer. Keep Deb in your prayers too because even when she is healthy she still has to live with me.
God Bless,
Dan
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Time stands still
Hello everyone,
Kathi, my eldest daughter, called just now to tell me her step father, Danny, passed away today. He was the Danny we mentioned in several of the blog entries. He was in his 50's, and was married over 25 years to Marge. He developed cancer several months ago and battled it bravely until it took his life today. Danny had been close to Kathi and her sister Kris for all these years, bringing a calm humor to most situations. He was very special to his grandchildren too.
Our sympathy to Marge and certainly our prayers, but I know, as do all of you, that now his suffering is over, and he has entered the loving embrace of our Heavenly Father in a place where sorrow and hurt doesn't exist.
Please continue to pray for Marge, Kathi and Kris and they come to grips with losing their father and husband.
Deb and I returned from our cruise on Saturday. Since this was my first cruise, I was amazed by the quality and variety of food served in the different restaurants on board. The service level was five star and the ship was huge. 3,100 passengers plus the crew. We visited St. Thomas, St. Kitts, Grenada, Bonaire and Aruba. The shopping was the main attraction on St. Thomas, that and the banana daiquiri I had at 9 a.m.
We had the first dinner seating at 6 p.m. and were blessed with the company of two other couples who made each meal a pleasure with their conversation and charm. Harry and Donna were from Vancouver. Len and Deb live in Connecticut. Each meal was a gourmet spread and we had wine with each meal. Our waiter Evan was very British and Laslow, our steward, was charming and very efficient.
The water was blue and green, and crystal clear. The temperature hovered in the mid eighties, with sunny skies and white beaches. We went to a Aloe farm, sampled Rum in the morning on Grenada, had the most delightful tour guide on Aruba and wonder of wonders, all our flights went without a hitch from Chicago, to Orlando then to Puerto Rico and back again.
Deb mentioned that she feels her head cleared during our time away. She rested as needed, including an afternoon nap. One day she did a cancer walk on board for the Susan G. Koman foundation.
We enjoyed the lavish shows and entertainment and the good cheer of our fellow passengers. We watched the full moon hover over the ocean at night from our balcony. How truly wonderful to have this experience.
Deb went to the surgeon yesterday. Everything looks good on both sides and she will see Dr. C. in three months.
We have transitioned to the survivor mode. Treatment is over and now we start to monitor for developments. Every hour, day, week and month that goes by increases the chance that Deb will survive to live to a ripe older age.
Please take the time to pray for all those with cancer. Those without faces to us, but very vivid to their care givers, parents, brothers, sisters and children who live in the constant fear that their loved one will become a statistic on the negative side of life's ledger, as Danny did today.
Kathi, my eldest daughter, called just now to tell me her step father, Danny, passed away today. He was the Danny we mentioned in several of the blog entries. He was in his 50's, and was married over 25 years to Marge. He developed cancer several months ago and battled it bravely until it took his life today. Danny had been close to Kathi and her sister Kris for all these years, bringing a calm humor to most situations. He was very special to his grandchildren too.
Our sympathy to Marge and certainly our prayers, but I know, as do all of you, that now his suffering is over, and he has entered the loving embrace of our Heavenly Father in a place where sorrow and hurt doesn't exist.
Please continue to pray for Marge, Kathi and Kris and they come to grips with losing their father and husband.
Deb and I returned from our cruise on Saturday. Since this was my first cruise, I was amazed by the quality and variety of food served in the different restaurants on board. The service level was five star and the ship was huge. 3,100 passengers plus the crew. We visited St. Thomas, St. Kitts, Grenada, Bonaire and Aruba. The shopping was the main attraction on St. Thomas, that and the banana daiquiri I had at 9 a.m.
We had the first dinner seating at 6 p.m. and were blessed with the company of two other couples who made each meal a pleasure with their conversation and charm. Harry and Donna were from Vancouver. Len and Deb live in Connecticut. Each meal was a gourmet spread and we had wine with each meal. Our waiter Evan was very British and Laslow, our steward, was charming and very efficient.
The water was blue and green, and crystal clear. The temperature hovered in the mid eighties, with sunny skies and white beaches. We went to a Aloe farm, sampled Rum in the morning on Grenada, had the most delightful tour guide on Aruba and wonder of wonders, all our flights went without a hitch from Chicago, to Orlando then to Puerto Rico and back again.
Deb mentioned that she feels her head cleared during our time away. She rested as needed, including an afternoon nap. One day she did a cancer walk on board for the Susan G. Koman foundation.
We enjoyed the lavish shows and entertainment and the good cheer of our fellow passengers. We watched the full moon hover over the ocean at night from our balcony. How truly wonderful to have this experience.
Deb went to the surgeon yesterday. Everything looks good on both sides and she will see Dr. C. in three months.
We have transitioned to the survivor mode. Treatment is over and now we start to monitor for developments. Every hour, day, week and month that goes by increases the chance that Deb will survive to live to a ripe older age.
Please take the time to pray for all those with cancer. Those without faces to us, but very vivid to their care givers, parents, brothers, sisters and children who live in the constant fear that their loved one will become a statistic on the negative side of life's ledger, as Danny did today.
There is an empty chair at the table, the phone rings, and for a moment you think he will answer for you, but no, he’s not there anymore. The dog is sad too; you can see it in her posture. She mopes around and looks for him. She watches the door, waiting for the sound of the garage door, the sound of the key in the lock, and his smile. You wake up and for a moment you forget, but then the empty bed reminds you, he’s not there. So you try to go on, planning dinners and vacations for one. You read a good story in a magazine and start to tell him about it, but suddenly remember he isn’t there. Still. Times goes on but so does the hurt and the loneliness. A reminder every day, sometimes every hour, that your life has changed, been ripped to shreds and put back together with so many pieces missing or in the wrong spot by someone with an absurd sense of humor.
Time goes on and dulls the pain, but you start to dread every holiday. His birthday, your anniversary, and the date he died, bring a renewal of the pain, not just on that day, but for days and weeks before and after. Staying in your pajamas until noon. Why bother dressing? For whom shall you dress? Cereal for dinner. Why cook? The overwhelming sense of fatigue and hopelessness. Every day. Will this never end?
And then the sun comes out. You wake one morning and life feels different. Sure there are lots of reminders, but somehow they seem less pointed then before. You decide to re-engage with your friends and family. Perhaps a trip or joining a seniors group, taking a class.
It won’t happen overnight, but it will get better. Count on it.
Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos. ~Charles M. Schulz
Indeed!
Dan
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Ruminations
Good Morning!
The headline in the online edition of the Chicago Tribune reads, " Kansas woman spent two years on a toilet before police used a crowbar to pry off seat". And I'm thinking, I don't even want to know the details. This story is nestled in with all the usual stuff about killings and politics. Another headline reports a fifteen year old hijacking a car from a twelve year old. I couldn't drive at twelve, could you? I'm not making this up.
Our cruise starts tomorrow, with a limo pick up at 4:15 a-can you believe-m. We haven't vacationed in a couple of years, so I forgot how crazy Deb gets trying to finish stuff at work and get ready. But this is her lollipop, not mine. Although, I note the temps in San Juan recently are in the mid eighties, and I think perhaps I can enjoy this too.
Deb seems to be getting her strength back a little at a time. Doctors visits will spread out more. We both had the full battery of blood work and tests and are good to go for a while, it seems.
The last week has been crazy for me, with a car accident that totaled my Buick. No injuries and the other guy was at fault, but that was just part of a very busy week that had me out on investigations until 2 a.m. two nights (including the night of the accident). Everything will be fine when I have my first Mai Tai on the ship.
We are reminded again that everything resolves over time, so we continue to pray for Danny, the Kattner twins, my mom and all our friends and family.
Take care, hug each other and pray always.
Dan
The headline in the online edition of the Chicago Tribune reads, " Kansas woman spent two years on a toilet before police used a crowbar to pry off seat". And I'm thinking, I don't even want to know the details. This story is nestled in with all the usual stuff about killings and politics. Another headline reports a fifteen year old hijacking a car from a twelve year old. I couldn't drive at twelve, could you? I'm not making this up.
Our cruise starts tomorrow, with a limo pick up at 4:15 a-can you believe-m. We haven't vacationed in a couple of years, so I forgot how crazy Deb gets trying to finish stuff at work and get ready. But this is her lollipop, not mine. Although, I note the temps in San Juan recently are in the mid eighties, and I think perhaps I can enjoy this too.
Deb seems to be getting her strength back a little at a time. Doctors visits will spread out more. We both had the full battery of blood work and tests and are good to go for a while, it seems.
The last week has been crazy for me, with a car accident that totaled my Buick. No injuries and the other guy was at fault, but that was just part of a very busy week that had me out on investigations until 2 a.m. two nights (including the night of the accident). Everything will be fine when I have my first Mai Tai on the ship.
We are reminded again that everything resolves over time, so we continue to pray for Danny, the Kattner twins, my mom and all our friends and family.
Take care, hug each other and pray always.
Dan
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Sailing along
Hi everyone,
I can't believe so much time has elapsed since Deb finished treatment. Most of the redness is gone and she is slowly regaining her strength.
She had her first haircut since last May. It looks cute and it seems about as thick as before. The color is different, darker and perhaps some gray, but I like it. She will probably get highlights or a neon orange rinse next time to go with her body piercings and tattoos.
I'm kidding about the body piercings and the tattoos. Really!
We believe there are still some underlying issues of frustration and anger. Nothing that seems really overt, but sometimes a shortness or impatience surfaces.
She seems to be tired at times but I believe that will improve too.
We leave March 14th for our cruise. We return on March 22nd. My first cruise. We plan to rest and enjoy a simple time together. We're fretting over the last minute details, but all in all I believe we're going to enjoy this a lot.
There are still a lot of prayers needed. Not only for Deb, and her continued good health, but all the thousands of treating and recovering breast cancer patients. There seems to be so much conflicting information out there. Studies that contradict and confuse. What to believe, what to hope for, it's so daunting some times. Long term it's in God's hands, as it always has been.
Then too, the Kattner twins are still gaining ground in their effort to overcome a very premature birth. Even though they have been "in the world" since October, they are only just weeks from their normal birth date. They each weighed 27 ounces at birth and their survival is awesome.
I spoke with my mom on Monday as I drove home from the doctor's office. Nice to talk to her.
More after the cruise,
God Bless all,
Dan
I can't believe so much time has elapsed since Deb finished treatment. Most of the redness is gone and she is slowly regaining her strength.
She had her first haircut since last May. It looks cute and it seems about as thick as before. The color is different, darker and perhaps some gray, but I like it. She will probably get highlights or a neon orange rinse next time to go with her body piercings and tattoos.
I'm kidding about the body piercings and the tattoos. Really!
We believe there are still some underlying issues of frustration and anger. Nothing that seems really overt, but sometimes a shortness or impatience surfaces.
She seems to be tired at times but I believe that will improve too.
We leave March 14th for our cruise. We return on March 22nd. My first cruise. We plan to rest and enjoy a simple time together. We're fretting over the last minute details, but all in all I believe we're going to enjoy this a lot.
There are still a lot of prayers needed. Not only for Deb, and her continued good health, but all the thousands of treating and recovering breast cancer patients. There seems to be so much conflicting information out there. Studies that contradict and confuse. What to believe, what to hope for, it's so daunting some times. Long term it's in God's hands, as it always has been.
Then too, the Kattner twins are still gaining ground in their effort to overcome a very premature birth. Even though they have been "in the world" since October, they are only just weeks from their normal birth date. They each weighed 27 ounces at birth and their survival is awesome.
I spoke with my mom on Monday as I drove home from the doctor's office. Nice to talk to her.
More after the cruise,
God Bless all,
Dan
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