Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Ruminations

Hello Everyone,

It's hard to believe it's been a couple of weeks since I've brought this up to date. I'm sitting here watching Reaper, about a boy whose soul was sold to the devil by his parents. Seems realistic. Dancing with the Stars tonight was way better.

Deb is doing fairly well. Unless you count the rash on her legs and face, the loss of her sense of taste, and the feeling that this has gone on too long already. On the positive side, we are approaching surgery and then rehab, so we're pleased that we are making inroads into the timetable. We know God is in control.

No much going on in our lives right now. Deb usually has a good day on Friday, with a lot of energy, but needs frequent naps on the weekends. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday are good, and even her taste buds come back by Tuesday, but gone again on Thursday. Deb sees the surgeon on Wednesday and the oncologist on Thursday, so we should know more then.

We have committed to attending Deb's 30 year class reunion and the 50Th Wedding Anniversary party for her Aunt and Uncle in October.

We had some sad news, that Danny has new cancer and will need more treatment. Apparently it is chronic so he will always have to be aware of changes that signal new outbreaks of cancer. Please remember him and Marge in your prayers.

I talked to my mom tonight. After the last few e mails and conversations with my sister, I'm amazed we can still talk. My mom's body is a wreck, but she continues to baffle all the health care providers by staying alive. It is no exaggeration to say that she should have died many times over the last two years and that she has set some kind of record for being in hospice so long. Her organs fail, she has ulcerated sores, her blood pressure sinks and she is on enough morphine to knock out an elephant every day and yet through some miracle she lives on.

I talked to her, and I said "I love you Mom" and she replied, "I love you son". It's is so hard to think that she will die and I won't hear that again. A parent's love. Nothing here to suggest we had a perfect relationship, or that I was a wonderful son, but I've had her for 62 plus years. The only mother I'll ever have, and for all her faults, and for all of mine, she loved me with the forgiving love only a mother can have.

A man never sees all that his mother has been to him until it's too late to let her know he sees it.
Author:
William Dean Howells 1837-1920, American Novelist, Critic

I have tried to accept and understand all that is going on in my life. My hearing is at a point where I need help, so I'll have that tested. My vision is OK, according to the doctor, but I have cataracts forming in both eyes. I had good test results today with my PSA and blood sugar, so I should be counting my blessings, but I can't escape the constant reminders of Deb's life and death battle and my mom slipping ever closer to the abyss. I know this too shall pass, but some days I just want to kick the can. How did I get this Yugo body instead of the Cadillac I ordered?

Deb is going hat less now, and she feels good about it. She continues to get great support from friends and family, and of course from our little church. We pray constantly for strength and patience.

Thanks to everyone who reads this and prays for us. Please remember to hug each other and let people know you love them. The ones, like me, who need extra grace are more difficult to love but need it the most.

Peace,
Dan
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