Clean Underwear

Good Afternoon, everyone!

Much of the time since my last post has been uneventful.

Deb is slowly improving, and although she is tired more than normal, she continues to do all the things she normally does around the house. Her skin is getting better, with less peeling. She still takes medication for the pain in her fingers and toes.

We have been hermits because of all the snow. We go to church and do errands on the weekends, but otherwise we stay close to home.

Deb saw Dr. Smoron today. Nothing new to report. My guess is that things will continue to be quiet until we return after Easter. Deb has another appointment with her surgeon then. Quarterly visits for a while.

So with healing the only item on the agenda, I will probably write less here. I recently looked back to the beginning of the posts, in April of 2007. I can't imagine how naive we were. I can’t imagine knowing in advance what would happen. Now the long wait begins.

We have been blessed with such great support from everyone. So many people have prayed for us. People we will never know, who added us to their prayer list at church, or to their personal list. People we know, who took the time to share their love and kindness. The food they delivered, phone calls to cheer us and all the get well cards and gifts. The e mails from old and new friends all over the country. People I hadn’t heard from in years, taking the time to be part of all this.

God had control of this and gave us a measure of peace so we could endure the stress and pain of all these months. He will guide us through the coming months too, with all His grace and love.

Thanks to all of you. I’ll write again when something develops.

I have another weblog (blog) I do for my amusement. http://pontiacdan45.wordpress.com/

Please join me sometime.

Our love to each of you.

Dan and Deb

Cleaning up the mess

Hello Campers!

Deb continues to trek along with her skin issues and various creams to control the itching and peeling of her skin, fried from the radiation. She is still very red in front and we expect that it will turn to tan as time goes on.

Deb is anxious to start using the prostetic stuff she has purchased to make her silouette even. Is that a delicate way to put it or what? Oh, and I'm still amazed that so many women have come forward to share their survivor stories with us.

We are so very thankful that all treatment has ended. Deb will continue to see various doctors, but should start to recover her stamina and health. She still has pain in her fingers and toes from chemo and is taking Lyrica for that condition. She has to guard against lymphedema of course.

We look forward to continued good results and reports from the doctors. Our faith remains intack and strong. This has been a winter the likes we haven't seen in thirty years, but we look to the promise of spring.

We offer our prayers for Danny and my mom. The Kattner twins are progressing nicely, but they are still at risk, so please remember to include them as you pray.

So many people have prayed for us, and we still need the solace prayer brings to us. Thank you for keeping us in your hearts.

Dan

Mercy

Hi All,

In every life, most of us probably remember when time seemed to stand still. Think of when you were six years old and Christmas was five days away. Or think about waiting outside the principals office or watching your wife in labor with your first child. Waiting for you teenage son or daughter to call a half hour after they were supposed to be home.

Time for me stood still on April 17th, 2007, when Deb called in tears to give me the news that she had a positive biopsy. Since then, all I've wanted was to get through all the treatment, starting with the Chemo, then the surgery and finally the radiation. Each one causing damage and scaring, both physical and phychological, to someone so many of us love.

She is really a trooper. I couldn't go on day by day with the patience and grace she exhibits through all this. Her chest and back look like a cooked lobster. She is losing skin under her left arm from the radiation burns, in spite of all the various creams and lotions we use to prevent just that. When she lifts her left arm the pain is exquisite. The only time it feels OK is when she doesn't use it. And she is not supposed to use her left arm anyway, so that lymphedema doesn't occur. This is, of course, after all the side effects of chemotherapy and the trauma of surgery.

And it goes on. Problems for a while getting blood drawn. Finally she is sent to the infusion center where the nurses are able to draw it from her medi port.

Deb isn't thrilled with the photo of both of us I put on the blog. But, if you compare it with the others you can see how all of this has affected her. I, of course, still look totally handsome and hot.

Her hair continues to come in, but slowly. Her nails are growing out, so her fingers will look better as time passes. She is tired most of the time.

But, she is nice to everyone. She is patient, flexible, tolerant, easy to dance with :)

Why do some people get it and others don't have a clue?

Jonah was one. You'd think after getting barfed up on the shore of Nineveh by a big fish, he'd realize this was a second chance from above. So he takes a three day walk through Nineveh preaching God's word by God's direction. He goes up on a hill to watch God destroy Israel's greatest enemy but nothing happens. Then he sees that all the people of Nineveh, including the king, have repented. God spares them. But Jonah is disappointed. He wanted fire and brimstone, an eye for an eye. He misses the point that God loves us all, even our enemies, and wants us to love them too.

What does this have to do with Deb's cancer treatment? I have no idea. But I love the story of second chances and God's love for all of us. It's repeated so many times in history. Makes even a cynical guy like me think there is hope.

Please remember Deb in your prayers. This has been so trying for her. Danny is still treating and fighting his cancer, please continue to pray for him. The Kattner twins are home, but still very vulnerable.

I appreciate everyone who takes the time to read this blog. I love that some of you have expressed to me or Deb you like reading it. It is a good outlet for me to dissipate some of the stress that builds watching Deb endure all of this.

I love happy endings, fewer goodbyes and more hellos, Deb's meatloaf and coconut creme pie. Thank God the radiation is over this week.

God Bless
Dan

Marching along together

Hi everyone,

Deb is progressing with her radiation treatments. They should end next week. She has a lot of red skin on her chest and under her arm as they zap the area with a lot of energy. We continue to use the special creme to reduce the effects.

Her spirits are good, as she looks forward to our cruise. She visited Dr. Weyburn a week ago and will start Tamoxifen soon. She will have a check up every three months to begin and then the schedule will be adjusted.

We continue to get great support from many people. Deb continues to work and rest. We received a cancer quilt from Marge and Danny. It is truly amazing. It must be at least four feet long and three feet wide. Lots of photos of Deb sewn into the quilt. It must have taken a lot of work and time to complete. We have a spot picked out to mount it to the wall. It also had cancer pins and a bracelet attached. So thoughtful.

Deb is thinking about participating in some of the cancer events this summer. She has not really hooked up with a support group yet. Her hair continues to thicken and increase in length, but slowly.

There will be a little rest for a while and then the constant vigil will start, waiting for anything to suggest a recurrence. Every bump and pain will take on a significance far in excess of hypochondria.

We hope the doctors and the treatments will combine to rid Deb of any chance of a recurrence, but only God knows for sure.

So we trust God and commit our care and future to Him.

Through all this we've asked for prayers for Deb and others. It occurs to me that there is never a shortage of people needing prayer. We believe that prayer is a direct line to God and He considers and answers all prayers in His time. The Kattner twins are home after three months in the hospital to overcome the effects of premature birth.

Little Evan is the new grandson for Chuck and Loni. Chuck is still having constant pain. He's been through so much, including having both knees replaced.

My Mom continues to greet each day. Why and how she perseveres we may never know.

I've been accepted as a Knight of the Round Table. I'll be known as Sir Cumference.

Thanks everyone for the love and support that keeps both of us going.

Take care all,
Dan

A New Year

Happy New Year, everyone.

2008!

I wonder what went through the minds of my grandparents in 1962, or my parents in 1975, when both my father and grandfather attained the age I am now. In 1962 Jack Nicklaus was only beginning his golf career. The Berlin wall was up and keeping the east and west of Germany separated. The Cuban blockade started and the pope ex communicated Fidel Castro. The US Supreme Court decided against racial separation on public transportation, and Walter Cronkite begins his career as the anchor of CBS evening news. The Beatles replaced Pete Best with Ringo Starr and West Side Story won for best picture at the Academy Awards. NASA announced the selection of nine astronauts with the "Right Stuff". Quite a year.

In 1975 some of the Watergate crew were convicted and sentenced to prison. The Rocky Horror Show opened and the Eagles and Barry Manilow were chart toppers. That guy Nicklaus won the Masters and Frank Robinson was the first negro manager. NBC paid 5 million to show Gone With The Wind one time on TV. Cher divorces Sonny and Jaws opens in the theaters. Hoffa disappears from a Detroit area restaurant and China and Russia continue to test nuclear weapons.

What occupied my father's thoughts that year or my grandfather 13 years before? Was it anything like my thoughts this year, amazed at how fast the year has gone. Saddened by the senseless tragedy and all the violence and rudeness that seems to prevail in our world.

Or did they find comfort in the beauty of the world and in the people in their life? Were they thankful of the many good things in their lives, the health of their families and the prosperity that allowed them to live comfortably? Did they try to make the world a better place with a well timed smile or a compliment? Were they worried about their health or if the money they saved for retirement would last until they died?

Or did they marvel in the moon in a winter sky, full and bright with coloring from the wispy clouds that pass along its surface? Were they amazed at the technology of the age. Color television in 1962 and in 1975 a small start up company call Microsoft started in a garage. Did they frown at the brevity of life and the start of the infirmities of age? I don't know. They never said.

I'd be willing to bet that such thoughts were as alien to them as singing opera is to me.

But as this year opens I have many recurring thoughts. I can't imagine the standard of living we have in this country, and how we take it and our health for granted. We've become a nation of pill poppers at one extreme and health fanatics at the other end.

I worry about Danny and my mom. I am saddened by the pain and suffering of those who I know have constant pain or health issues, or have paid the emotional toll of loosing a loved one this past year. I worry about Deb most of all. She is my jewel, the one person that can put up with me. She, who along with a dog I've mentioned before, loves me unconditionally every day.

She is doing well so far with the radiation. Applying the creme to prevent skin damage, fighting a cold this week, but resting and saving her strength for the coming weeks.

We try to imagine a world without the pain of disease and injury. A place of happiness and complete understanding. Where nothing disappoints and nothing surprises. A place where there are no goodbyes, only hellos. A place that Dorothy imagined to be somewhere over the rainbow.

So on this first day of the new year, I have a wish for each of you. My wish is that you achieve the peace of mind that comes with understanding that this place we call home, isn't our final destination. We are meant to suffer and die before we reach our final reward. That life isn't fair, has mind numbing stress at times, and the buttered side of the bread always hits the floor first. And since this isn't our final home, we can be assured that a place has been prepared for us to spend eternity. I believe this completely, because I read it in a Book.


Out of love and hatred, out of earnings and borrowings and lendings and losses; out of sickness and pain; out of wooing and worshipping; out of traveling and voting and watching and caring; out of disgrace and contempt, comes our tuition in the serene and beautiful laws.
Author:
Ralph Waldo Emerson 1803-1882, American Poet, Essayist

God Bless,

Dan

Glowing in the Dark

Dear Friends,

Deb and I are on vacation this week, so you would think we can take it easy, rest and fit a couple of naps into the schedule. Ha! Fat chance of that happening.

Well, as usual we did it to our selves. Lots of little things to keep us busy all week.

Deb started radiation last Thursday. She got zapped on Thursday, Friday, Saturday and today. While they had marked her with a sharpie pen, today they injected ink into the half dozen points in her torso (upper) where they plan to aim the radiation. This will form a permanent mark so there will be no possibility of a mark washing off, as can happen with the pen.

So today, Deb has radiation at 8:15am followed by an appointment with the doctor. We then met with Jackie Smith, the program coordinator for the Senior Services Associates of McHenry County. This is a program that matches volunteers, such as me, with seniors who would like a visit and conversation once a week for an hour or so. We had a good meeting and after they check me out, they will try and match me with a senior. This is something I've been looking at for some time. It would be a terrific church ministry, as there are lots of seniors that would really like to share a cup of coffee and some conversation once in a while. The world can be a lonely place, or as I typed first, a loony place. Take your pick.

Deb is now at the physical therapist to determine the appropriate therapy to prevent lymphedema, a swelling of the arm due to the removal of lymph nodes.

Later she will join some friends for dinner, but I'm betting that a nap is in there somewhere.

Christmas is coming ready or not, so we have the usual last minute fire drill to find just that right something for someone, as I'm sure most of you do too.

Radiation should last until the beginning of February. Then I'm sure the doctors will do some tests to see if any cancer remains.

In March, Deb and I will cast our cares to the wind, as we go on our first cruise together. We plan to fly into San Juan and take a seven night cruise to Aruba, St. Thomas and St. Kits, as I recall. We will be the two pasty white people slathered in sun screen and only going out in the dark. This is my first cruise.

Please keep Danny in your prayers, and also the Cagles and the Morans who both lost a loved one recently.


It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble, how hopeless the outlook, how muddled the tangle, how great the mistake. A sufficient realization of love will dissolve it all.
Author:
Emmet Fox American Unity Minister, Metaphysician

By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. [John 13:35]

This can be the time of year of piercing loneliness, smothering depression and deep hopelessness. You can make a difference to someone with just a smile and a nod. Whether in the grocery store, the gas station or a restaurant, remember to give the best gift the season has to offer; Love.

And so, as Christmas draws nigh, Deb and I want to wish each one of you all the good things this season has to offer. Abundant health, clear minds, and the riches of God's blessings all the new year.

Dan and Deb

The Battle belongs to the Lord

Dear Friends,

The past two weeks since my last post have seen little medical development, but lots of emotional turmoil. After all, the Bears are out of the playoffs.

Deb went for the scheduled appointment with the radiation oncologist and had her body marked and measured. The marks will make sure the radiation hits the same spots every time.

She will start radiation next week, and while it is scheduled for all of January, it may go into the beginning of February too. We know that there may be some issues with her skin from the repeated radiation, but we have prepared for that as well as we can do so, with advice from several sources and a skin cream to help healing.

There will be testing to check the status after the end of radiation and the ideal report would be no evidence of cancer.

The other, more difficult part of this, is continuing depression and physical battles with weight gain and image. Deb's hair is coming in gray and is still short. It is too short to do much of anything with and after all the stories we heard about this before, who would have thought her blond hair would come back gray? The side effects of the chemo linger on, with the discoloration under her finger nails and the nails deformed, but growing out. Then there is the weight gain that makes it impossible to feel a positive self image. Image is mostly how we feel about ourselves, and right now Deb isn't happy with herself.

I'd like to say we have given all this to God and because of our strong faith, we are peaceful and accepting. But the reality is there is a gap between where we would like to be and who we are, and the gap is a fluid thing, some days very narrow and other days like the Grand Canyon. Yes, we believe that there is a plan and that whatever happens, God is in control, and further that Deb doesn't have to worry about where she will spend eternity, but we struggle day by day with uncertainty, and selfishness. Where will this all end. We want to be whole again.

We know many people have fought this battle before us and survived, and we know we lack perspective, so Deb is going to make a strong effort to find a breast cancer or just a cancer support group to join. If she can find one for couples, so much the better, because being the support giver isn't a day at the park most days either.

Deb and I love Christmas. The good cheer and music, being with friends and family, and the great memories from all the past years. We have received some wonderful Christmas cards, some with photos (we keep them all) and others with letters that bridge the gap between friends so far away.

We embrace the meaning of this season, a Child born to die for us on a cross, so that we may be reconciled with God and spend eternity with Him.

Please pray for Danny, who is still fighting cancer. My daughter Kathi will be helping her husband Jim Moran, bury his father tomorrow and they and the entire Moran family could use your prayers. My buddy Bobby G. Cagle was buried last week, so please remember his family in your prayers too. Then there is the twins, Amanda and Andy Kattner, who were born three months premature, but have survived six weeks and are growing stronger every day. Please pray for Heidi and Ron so they may have continued strength and hope and that the twins will come home well and soon. Our friends the Mariks were at Mayo Clinic last week. It appears that Chuck's back pain and leg pain isn't a candidate for surgical repair, so pray for peace for them. And my mom continues to live on the edge of life with my sister Diane and her wonderful husband Ken providing 24/7 care, as they have for two years. Pray for their continued strength and faith.

We all get so caught up in our lives that we forget to live. Someone you know would love to hear your voice. Call now. Someone you know could use a kind word or a hug. Don't wait. Someone you love needs to hear "I love you". Say it now.

Thank you for allowing me to share our feelings with you and for your love and prayers, which on most days are the difference between being sane or not!

Love,

Dan